i'm yeaking away..

Almost every week, i will try to update something. Well, my blog is rotting and thats the fact. Not busy but just don't have the feel to blog things. I got plently of things to blog, but i just.. sigh, not in the mood even now.

Last friday was the last day of term 1 and yah, so fast.. so fast. I really cannot imagine myself taking the O level slip. My Term 1 report slip turned out to be very suck and seriously, if i continue to use this standard to study, i can just forget about sitting my O levels papers. I know whats the damn problem of myself. But i just don't know, i can't sit down holding a pen starting revising about my past chapters. Even i did, it only last for 5 minutes the most. Unless i'm in MOS burger then i will start studying about 3 hrs, mostly doing my homework. ARRGH, i hate myself! Why i still don't have the motivation to push myself to study more? I know how to encourage people to study, but me? Myself? I can't. I'm not trying to say that i'm hopeless already, beyond hope but even my sister screamed at me "Limin, if you still do not start revising all your chapters, taking O levels is a sure fail!" I KNOW I KNOW, i know whats the fucking consequences i get! But, i'm still facing at the computer screen playing viwawa.com games. ARRRGGH, whats the hell going on to me? I really want a happy mood to study.. sigh

This weekend, i spend my time doing absolutely nothing but tv and computer. I don't know i wake up like 9am? At night, when i almost trying to reach out for my dreams, my gastric starts to occur. I don't have good night sleeps, i don't know and maybe i think too much about it. I really really hate myself for being weird. I just can't control and i didn't talk much too. Less than 10 sentences to my parents. Like an example mummy asked me whether i want to eat and i will shout in the very impatient manner "DON'T WANT LAH!" Speaking of food, i also don't have any much appetite to eat. Not because i'm sick, no, maybe because of gastric. However when i'm feeling down, i should eat even more to stuff myself with food inside my mouth and tell myself, "its ok, just eat and forget the problems." But this time round, i just have some light food and drink vitagen all day. Gee, weird. Good thing about being moody that i will go to my piano and practice pieces that is rather EMO. What the fuck! Epecially today, when i just started a new piece by yiruma, kiss the rain. AHHH, the song is like soo fucking sad and i'm playing in the manner of RRAAWWRRR! With the 4 flats adding, i got to fustrated and give up. Toccata in D minor by Paradies is soo much better to play for venting my anger when no one is at home. Really disappointed that i still can't play well in my Sonata in C by Mozart. Well, staring at the scores for 3hrs, really hope that i can do well in it.

Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?
Coded from Lily Allen lyrics chorus Littlest Things

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing, oh god, what am i thinking about?
Its like over but i'm still thinking about it, reminiscing it, what a good old days we had.
But whenever i think about days of darkness, it crushed down my mood.
I've tried to make myself busy by doing all the unnecessary stuffs but still, i'm still reflecting over it.
Maybe i prefer things to be solve before going on instead of dragging on matters which make matter worse.
Digging the unfortunate incident will cause the wounds to open deeper, but at least at the end of the conversation, we understand whats really going on and this can make us go on.
I'm such a failure, things always don't go smoothly in my hands at all.
Maybe i just need some counselling and thoughts, but what able to make me go back to a square piece is consolation.

Yeaking away.. and i feel like going to the beach to calm my mind but not to forget and treating this disastrous as a blessing. Keeping everything into a precious memories.

*i want to update about the chemisty lab but photos is still with my bitch, khadijah*